Wow!

First of all, thank you to my lovely commenters and followers! You had such wonderful things to say! I’m sorry I haven’t been back in awhile, life was taking me on a journey. And so, without further ado-

Dear Loki,
     It’s been a long hard year. My faith has been tested, my strength, my will. But you were with me through all of it. Thank you. When I was in pain, you comforted me, when I was grieving and going through my personal ordeal, you led me by the hand to Sigyn, who took me under her wing. When I lost my child you never gave up on me. There is no set of words in English or in my mother tongue to express my gratitude and love for you both. Thank you.
     Since the unfolding of my personal tragedy, I have switched jobs, been evicted, and live again with my parents. The nine virtues are burning inside me because this is not self reliant, but you teach us to truly know ourselves and I know that I cannot sustain myself just yet. My wonderful fiance has since somewhat dedicated himself to your traveling companion, Thor. I support him in this. He maintains an agnostic approach and outlook, but agrees that at times in life, it is best to have a belief system to identify with. We go shopping for Mjolnir pendants next week. He mentioned to me that the lore surrounding you, my lord Loki, was palpably different towards the end. He understands us. He understands that I will always be dedicated to you and your kin, and does not pressure me to change at all. He is wonderful to me.
     My alter is set up to reflect practically, and looks more like a voodoo altar, but is all for you and your lovely wife, although everyone in your brood is represented in some way. I have another alter for Hecate, and another for Poseidon, because while I tend to not work with Greek deities much, I can’t very well turn my back on the ones that were there for me in m need. After all, Sigyn teaches us loyalty. I am striving to become a better person in all this. A better heathen, a better rokkatruar, a better devotee, a better witch. Better. I am in a position to truly better myself. I recently told my fiance that I want to try the shamanic poison path, and he supports me. I think he may even be my soulmate, because he makes me wonder how I was ever whole without him. He even trusted me as a source of knowledge when he had his dream of serving Thor.
     And so my lord, and gracious lady, I thank you, and I look forward to the rise of the dog star for my of honoring you.

                    Love always,
                             Lokabrenna

A Prayer of Devotion

by E. Vongvisith

(Loosely adapted from a Catholic prayer.)

Hail Loki, shape-strong Trickster, I honor You.
Hail Lopt, wily Sky-treader, I cherish You.
For those who offer you insult, I offer you praise.
For those who offer you mistrust, I offer you trust.
For those who offer you hate, I offer you love.
For those who offer you cursing, I offer you blessing.
For those who offer you ridicule, I offer you respect.
For those who offer you faithlessness, I offer you adoration.
For those who offer you indifference, I offer you devotion.
For those who offer you obstinacy, I offer you openness.
For those who offer you scorn, I offer you fidelity.
May my heart be fervent and and my will be strong in these offerings.
Hail Loki, shape-strong Trickster, I honor You.
Hail Lopt, wily Sky-treader, I cherish You.

In my quest to learn as much as I can about my faith, I have run into some issues. One of the major issues I have run into as a Lokean, is people who tell me that my practice is wrong, or that my UPG is wrong. First of all, I’m a fairly private person. I would be more comfortable going to the bathroom in front of someone than to let them see me honor my gods. Am I ashamed? Absolutely not. But I will not expose myself in that way to others unless I know them. I have had several bad experiences with people who don’t take faith seriously, and those people chose to mock me. I have learned to be a bit more discerning of other people. And my UPG? It’s just that, MINE. Personal. Yes I do understand that I am relatively new to this path. No I haven’t been exposed to all the materials available. What matters to me personally is that I have a strong connection to my patron god, and He gives me answers as He sees fit. So yeah, I’ll get my terminology mixed up, I’ll offend people and I’ll be confused a bit. I’ll be an annoying brat until I have the info that I want. Until then, I’m sorry. This is a slow process for me because I can’t buy the books that I want, because I am a broke bitch. Most of what I run into are neo nazis, or people who have applied a thin layer of germanic mythology onto a foundation of wicca. I’ve been practicing this way for long enough to comfortable, but not so long that I feel comfortably knowledgeable. I’m sure that in time, my practice will change as my knowledge expands. Until then, please be patient with the noob. Thanks.

I understand that some people see Loki as little more than the enemy at Ragnarok. They blame him for Baldr’s death, and therefore he is anathema.

But is he really?

Do you know there are two versions of Baldr’s death, and the one that’s 200 years earlier (Gesta Danorum) doesn’t have Loki involved at all?

The Lokasenna doesn’t appear to be derived from a pre-Christian tale, but
rather appears to be an example of contemporary Christian Medieval Literature that mimics Lucian’s Assembly of the Gods, in much the way that Snorri uses other elements common of Chrisitian Europe’s Medieval Literature by alluding
to other great works (those Western “classics’ from Greece and Rome), this is afterall why he attests that the God Thor is descended from the Greek Agamemnon featured in Homer’s Iliad & Odyssey, and later mentioned in Virgil’s The Aeneid. It appears that the Lokasenna followed the formula set by Lucian, and just dropped in Norse Gods instead.

The reason I point this out is because many people assume when they read the
Poetic Edda as we know it today, that Loki’s punishment is because of his role
in Baldr’s demise because that is how the tales have been ordered for them. But to understand where the Poetic Edda comes from, and the questionable veracity of the Lokasenna as being authentic to a pre-Christian origin, let alone the understanding that virtually without exception all of our lore was written post-conversion by Christian scholars… well I think it can dramatically alter
someone’s opinion.

Loki had his own role to play among those of Asgard, and to think of Him as the villain solely is not accurate. In order to examine this God we need to throw away the concept that our Gods are to be emulated in all things. The imitation of deity dates back to the Hellenistic notion of discipleship, which is integrally part of the Christian outlook, but there is no evidence suggesting that this perspective was also shared by the ancient heathens who honored these Gods. Who is to say that the Gods’ behaviors were meant for daily emulation? Their behaviors may have represented transgressive actions meant to temporarily invert the natural order of the cosmos for the duration of a religious ritual.

If we just look at all of our Gods, many of them have… unfavorable instances or tales about them. We have instances of other Gods, such as Odin or Freyja most notably behaving in ways that seem against the status quo, but would any of us mere mortals call them out on it? Call them ergi? A whore? I personally think not. The last known person who did so when this faith was still practiced during the period of conversion in Iceland, was punished for slandering Freyja by calling her a ‘bitch goddess’ (bitch with overtones of being a ‘whore’) at the national althingi. Even when many of those assembled had already converted to Christianity… it was still considered inappropriate.

So then what of Ragnarok? While we know the word ragnarok does date from pre-Christian times, there’s speculation by scholars that Ragnarok as depicted in the Eddas is not accurate to what the pre-Christian beliefs were, since it seems to set up a process where the ‘Gods’ can be replaced.

Even with all those things in mind, just what should we think about Him, and how exactly shall we treat Him?

Without Loki we wouldn’t have:

*Odin’s 8 legged horse sleipnir
*Sif would not have her ‘golden’ hair
*Thor would not have his ‘mjollnir’ which he uses to protect Asgard/Midgard
*there’d be no wall around Asgard to keep the destructive Giants at bay
*Odin wouldn’t have his oathring draupnir (from which all other oathrings are
said to derive)
*Freyr would not have his ship Skidbladnir
*Freyr wouldn’t have his boar, Gullinbursti
*Odin wouldn’t have his spear Gungnir

If we really look at the symbolism of these items, and Loki’s role, he is
connected with the tools that protect Asgard, and tied to “oaths” more so than
He is connected with being “against” the Asgard/midgard. Even outside of these ‘gifts’ He was Thor’s companion– Thor the great defender of Midgard and
Asgard loved to travel around with no one more than Loki (or should I say, uncle Loki). Now, this is usually when I hear people bring up the fact that he’s called in the skaldrasparmal the ‘father of lies’ but did you know ‘father of lies’ is actually an inaccurate translation? The original is bÃlvasmiðr, and it means bale-smith or one who creates misery. So, it’s not necessarily a flattering description, but it doesn’t mean lying or deception. It does at least fit if we look at His occurrences in the lore. The process of change can be miserable, but without that ‘push’ we wouldn’t.

This is the candle I lit on the Northern Tradition Loki shrine:
Thank you Loki, for everything that I am, and for everything that I hold dear. I am certainly not the best servant, I strive to rectify that. I have no doubts that when I held a blade to my own wrist, that it was you who whispered,”stop.” In all my time of serving you, never have I denied you to others. I have never been afraid to stand up and say that I belong to you. How could I? You are a part of me. And when the time comes, I hope to be honored and kept in your hall, and to stand with you on the day of Ragnarok.

Without Loki, I am truly lost. He is the power inside me, the strength that beats in my heart.

The Face

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I was asked to put up a picture of myself so people could tell who they reading from, (and possibly blaming), and so here is one that is not TOO horrible.

Who am I?

Well, this is me, back again. Still not sure where the blog will go. This close to Halloween though, I found some small unscented black votive candles. Tomorrow, I’ll go back and buy the whole box. 🙂

My Lord Loki, you are and always will be my patron. However, there are other deities I intend to work with as well. Sort of an open relationship, if you will. I’m getting into Buddhism as well. I’ll take what I can from it and then move on. So far, it’s helping. I’ve purchased an almanac and a datebook for witches. I have a study plan, and I intend to make myself a well versed witch. I was abruptly awakened to the fact that I am not even half the witch I thought I was. So who am I? Ideally, I’d like to be a blend of Granny Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg, Tiffany Aching, Judika Illes, and Arin Murphy- Hiscock. And the witches from Practical Magic. Ideally, anyway. So, I’ll aim for that. After all, “Any fool could be a witch with a runic knife, but it takes skill to be one with an apple corer.” Perhaps I am unorthodox, but I strive for practicality. I see no harm in reusing candles most of the time, although I cleanse them in between, and I have no set ritual tools. I try to keep my practice as practical as I can. I have no set spells either. I make up what I need as I need it. Most of them aren’t even spells, they just make sense and work for me. I’m also trying to veer away from candle magic, as it is impractical. Candles get pricy, especially the beeswax, soy, and tallow ones. So, when I DO use a candle spell, it will be practical, efficient, and I won’t fuss about reusing a candle. Birthday cake sized candles are perfect for spells that need a candle to burn all the way down. And colors? Bull. Tie colored cord around a plain candle. All that is just non sense where it isn’t needed.

I try my best to be simplistic, and very grounded in nature, and I hope my rituals reflect this. Let’s start by explaining why I consider myself a witch, but not a Wiccan:

Wicca is a very structured, very specific, organized religion. there are certain ways certain things are done in Wicca, that’s just how it is. It is a relatively new faith, with roots in ancient paganism. However, I don’t do so well with structured and organized religion like that. I feel like I should open to the world and to the Divine. Everything around me and everything about me changes, its part of who I am, so I feel that my interpretation of the Divine and my worship thereof should be allowed to change also. I do not like being limited. While Wicca is a wonderful earth based faith, it is not MY faith, although I was there for some time, and my beliefs reflect that. Please bear with me.

To me, a real witch follows the path of a naturalist, a herbalist, a wise-woman, a healer… and so on. Witchcraft for me is a highly individualized and personalized practice, solitary and free-form. Now I’m not saying that covens are not worthwhile, they do indeed have benefits, I simply do not know any like-minded people with which to form a coven. I try to form a personal connection with the Earth. I try to feel her joys, her sorrows, and her pains. I feel that if I can tune myself in better to Gaea, then I will in turn be a better witch. As a witch I feel it is my job to know the earth and help people with the knowledge I carry.

All of my spells, rituals, and meditations are loosely structured, making them easy to be changed around to fit my purpose. Above all, I try to be a practical witch. I don’t want to amass power, simply tune into the subtle energies of nature, and of my own home. Most people know about the energies of nature, so I will focus a little more on energies of the hearth. Your home is essentially your second face (it should be treated that way, too). It is the center of power for an individual and family. It is a place of refuge, renewal, creativity, where we begin and end each day. It is a place where we are nourished, rested, and otherwise strengthened. Your home reflects the individuals who live within it on several levels, including a physical level (choice of decor and arrangement) and spiritual level (the energy or “feel” of a home). The home is the primary root of your family’s energy and spirituality. If you work to honor and strengthen that center of power and renewal, making it as peaceful and spiritually nourishing as possible for you and your family, then you are working to create and maintain a place of peace and a source of energy. -AMH: The Way of the Hedge Witch

Basically, the concept of your home as a spiritual center is found in many cultures and throughout many eras. The hearth in particular, is used for its connection between gods and humankind.  There are so many ways you can use your home to serve as a part of your spiritual philosophy, most of which use two joint keystones: the cauldron, and the flame. The cauldron represents abundance and hospitality, while being a symbol of rebirth, mystery, creation. and transformation, making it the perfect symbol for to focus on in home-based spirituality. the flame is a symbol of life, activity, the Divine, purification, and creativity, making it an excellent partner for the cauldron. Nature and hearth based witches (in my personal opinion) serve as a facilitator for spiritual well being of herself, her family, and her welcomed guests.  Her home is her temple, which she tends in order to keep the energy flowing smoothly and freely, as well as to honor the principles she upholds. She seeks to support, nurture, and nourish her family in both a physical and spiritual fashion.

Of course, I still like to dabble with high magic, who doesn’t? But to me, low magic is more Real. More hands on. So the long and short of it all is, I’m a Capricorn, and I have the same birthday as Edgar Allen Poe, how awesome is that? I’m a nu metal fan, and I’m obsessive compulsive, depressed, and a little bit crazy. I’m completely addicted to coffee, and although I quit smoking, I cheat and have one now and again, because I REALLY miss them. To me there is beauty in everything. I believe I am a pagan, but as the blog progresses, you shall see how I flit around with just about everything. I’ll add to this page or change it as I see fit. So there.

Lokeans and Rokkatruar

=> Well, I’m not sure where this blog is going to go, so for now, I’m just going to run with it. This is me, dancing with Chaos, it is a record of my bond with you; Loki, God of Mischief, Trickery, Chaos, Cunning, Persuasion, Fire, Magics, Anthropomorphism… You are a master Magician, a Shape-shifter, Conjuror, Silver- tongue, gender variable, bisexual… the list goes on. I don’t group myself with other Lokeans or Rokkatruar for a number of reasons. Mostly because there aren’t any around here. Though, if I need to label myself, Lokean and Rokkatruar certainly fit the bill.

=> Also, quick shout out to the resounding two people who have viewed this blog since I started it, thank you, I hope this thing has some meaning to people other than myself <otherwise what’s the point, really?> . Please feel free to comment.

=> So. Lokean: One who observes Loki as their patron god. Rokkatru: Worship of the third Norse pantheon of deities, those of the underworld and shadow. <jotuns, primarily>

=> To me, worshiping you lord Loki, is not about good v. evil. I don’t think that way, because life consists of too much grey area to say that things are always in black and white. People say I am delusional, and that worship of the Rokkr will lead to displeasing the All- Father. As you are His blood brother, and all the Rokkr are accepted, I find it hard to believe that my soul is in danger. If I am going astray from the path I am meant to follow, someone will let me know, not least of all, You. You are not evil to me. You convey very deep and very difficult wisdom, and for that I am grateful. Evil? No. People are too caught up in the Christian mythos <no offense people, most of my friends and family are devoted Christians>. For instance, everyone says that Judas was evil. Okay, he did some bad shit. You know, he sold out Jesus for thirty pieces of silver. Maybe that was planned? Maybe the ALL KNOWING GOD of Christianity knew this and told his son about it. Hmmm? If Judas hadn’t done that, Jesus would not have died for your sins. You would still be doing animal sacrifice in atonement <and yes you did that, remember Cain and Abel?>. How evil is Judas now?

=> I have noticed that reverence of you has led me to reverence of your children, and also, that you are often called on in desperation by Asatruar and Vanatruar when their other attempts have failed.  I would like to believe my lord that you do not turn away from those who do not run from you. In some circles, the moment your name is spoken aloud, the room goes quiet and people start leaving. Foolishness.  I found this link, and I agree with each of these principles. As a matter of fact, when I have my own children, I will teach them these.

http://www.northernpaganism.org/rokkatru/rokkatru-ethics.html

=> These are the 13 Rokkatruar ethics, copied directly from the source, they DO NOT belong to me.

Hela’s Rule: Vision. Death takes the long view of all things, and so we strive to value far-seeing over temporary difficulties. Ask yourself: Will this matter in a year? Five years? Ten? After I am dead? Think ahead before you react, before you speak. Learn not to take things personally; people often react from their damage, and everything blows over in time.

Loki’s Rule: Self-Knowledge. No matter what you say to others, be it truth or lie, never lie to yourself. Know yourself excruciatingly well, even the ugly parts, and always be honest with yourself first. When you speak the truth aloud, remember that the greatest honor is in speaking the truth that no one wants to hear, and that everyone has been avoiding out of fear.

Angrboda’s Rule: Diversity. The Giant-Race comes in a myriad of forms, and all shapes, sizes, and natures are valued among them. Being close to Nature, they understand that diversity is survival and strength, while homogeneity is inevitable weakness. Thus, we accept and value diversity in human beings, be that in race, ability, gender, cultural background, lifestyle, sexual preferences, appearance, and all the many ways that we can be wonderfully different.

Jormundgand’s Rule: Liminality. As the Snake is neither male nor female, both of Midgard and not of Midgard, so we see that the honorable and the sacred is most often found in that which crosses boundaries, bridges opposites, moves between worlds. We value that which is Both, and Neither, as one of the Great Mysteries.

Sigyn’s Rule: Loyalty. Stand by those who love you, and whom you love, no matter what others say of them, no matter if they are driven out. The loyalty of true friends, family, and lovers is more important than the acceptance of any group, and any group that would force you to forswear them is not worthy.

Gerda’s Rule: Frithmaking. While sometimes war is necessary, there is always far more honor in making a just peace than waging a just war.

Jord’s Rule: Earthwisdom. Revere the Earth and Nature; seek to live lightly on the land. Honor the spirits of the Earth, the stones, the trees, and all Nature.

Nidhogg’s Rule: Recycling. There is no such place as Away, so be careful what you throw there. Recycle, give away, don’t waste, find a place for it somewhere else. This includes people as well as things.

Aegir’s Rule: Hospitality. Open your doors even to those not of your people, not of your tribe. Open your doors to them even when they are annoying, or disrespectful, if there is the chance of an alliance, of changing their ways with frithmaking. Be gracious in the face of others’ greed and boorishness. You have the right to set boundaries, but be generous the first time at least, no matter who they are, until they truly prove themselves worthless.

Surt’s Rule: Intensity. Whatever you do, let it be with passion and fervor. Do not live a dull, repressed life.

Fenris’s Rule: Shadow. Learn to love and find sacred all the parts of yourself, even the darknesses. Honor them by making a safe place for them, where they can neither be harmed nor harm others.

Mordgud’s Rule: Self-Control. The Giant-Race are a people of strong passions, and so often are their followers. That is why it is all the more important that we strive always to keep our gates guarded and our walls firm — not to keep out, but to keep in. Keep control of your emotions, that they might not spill over and burn others, or yourself.

The Norns’ Rule: Dedication. Walk your path as you understand it, and as the Gods tell you to, and let no mortal opinion get in the way of your Wyrd.

=> I do believe I’ve rambled enough now. As always, thanks for listening my Lord Loki,

——————————Lokabrenna

Baggage Claim

=>So, my lord, I sat in my house, pretending to clean my bedroom when I stumbles across an old diary. This old diary had a letter in it that I had written to you about 8 months after I broke up with my ex-boyfriend. So, that puts it at about four months before my first date with my fiance’, sometime in early September of 2009. It’s a bit painful to go over it again, but hopefully this will be the last time, and then I will burn the diary. So here goes:

Dear Loki,

-Have I ever been loved by a hand that has touched me? There was no such thing as loneliness before this. Depression settles on my heart like lead. I can look up at the sky, and feel the joy of being alive, and the joy of a beautiful day, but there is something missing. There is an enormous hole in the universe, an incompleteness, and it makes me feel like a mouse in water, scrabbling furiously to keep from sinking to the bottom. There is an unbearable absence in my life. Although only a fraction of time has passed, it seems as though centuries are weighing down on my body. Pinned under such massive force, I cannot breathe, I start to choke. The memory of  love stays fixed, like the stars, guiding me when my feet fail me.

 – I thought I knew love once, bot now I am nothingness, wandering through the fog at midnight. No moon light to warm me or soothe me or guide me. Nothing but a surrounding of cold, hollow, empty ghosts. I sympathize with Sally Owens. There is a terrible burning in my heart, which has left me so hollow, that if you held my heart to your ear, you probably could hear the ocean. I need love like the earth needs the starts- to remind me that Heaven exists.

– What can I do? When I wake up every day, I never know what kind of day it’s going to be: Good, bad, frightening… I can lie <I’m quite good at it by now> and pretend that all is well and that everything is going to be okay. To everyone who loves me and cares for me, I can say I’m okay, but I honestly can’t remember the last time that I felt okay. There is something missing from my life, and I’m not sure I can ever get it back. I spent o much time with him, and I was so happy, and now I don’t know how to be happy without him. I understand and accept that we weren’t meant to be together, but I cannot find it within myself what it takes to move on. Even after all this time, I’m not sure I’ll ever feel that happiness again. I’m not sure I’ll ever be right again, which is odd, because looking back, all I see are the problems we had and how unhappy I was when those problems reared up. 

-The truth is, regardless of all else, I’m so very tired of waking up alone and with a cold heart. Never knowing if the day is just another day of pretending that I’ve moved on with my life. Part of me still feels like he’s here, which makes it so hard to tell myself he’s gone. In a crowded room, I’ll hear his name, or smell his cologne, and my hearts lifts, and I smile, only to turn and remember that he isn’t there anymore. I thought once that I would die without him. What a silly and childish fairy tale notion. Now I would die just to be without him. As much as I want to find someone new, I don’t think I can. Unless, of course, there is someone willing to sacrifice a piece of their happiness by stooping to love me- damaged goods.

– Maybe if I never leave my house for anything but work and groceries, until I’m an old lady, I won’t meet anyone that can hurt me. Maybe I’ll be okay then. I don’t think time heals all wounds, I think we just learn how to deal with our baggage. How did Rimbaud phrase it?Once if I remember well, my life was a feast where all hearts opened and all wines flowed.Of course, Gibran says “The more hollowed out by sorrow, the more joy you can contain. How true it is that you can’t come back when you’re still carrying your past.

– Sometimes I feel like I’m standing in the middle of the river, with cold, wet feet, watching the water flow past me. If I turn to try to step onward, I’ll slip. Only the river isn’t the river, it’s my life and if I step against the current, I’ll be dragged under. Dante certainly had it right, abandon all hope indeed.

– It is so much to ask for a man who makes me feel loved? Someone who doesn’t make me feel like he settled for me in lieu of someone else? I need a man that laughs. Someone playful and spontaneous. He has to tell me he loves me without needing me to say it first. That hurt me so badly before, when it felt like he was being prompted into saying it, and also reading from a script. I still feel like he treated our entire relationship like it was a game he was playing until something better came along.

I don’t understand why I ever fell in love with him. Or why I still love him. For the longest time after the breakup, I refused to look for a new man, because I knew I’d just be looking for someone just like him, and that wouldn’t be fair to myself, or to the new man. Besides, as much love as I held for him still couldn’t keep him from breaking my heart.

– I don’t want a smarmy Prince Charming type- the hopeless, frivolous romantic who always brings flowers and says mushy romantic stuff. I want someone, who even if he doesn’t understand me, or believe what I believe, will accept me as I am. He doesn’t have to like the things I like, he only has to accept that I like them. He has to be willing to hold me when I cry, fight with me when I’m angry, and then forgive me when the fight is over. I just can’t handle another person in my life who makes me feel like everything that goes wrong is my fault, and that no matter what I do, or who I am, he’ll never love me as much as one of his past loves. It was so hard to look in his eyes and know that he loved me for the ways I was like her, but he hated me for the ways I was different.

– I want a man whose face and smile glow with happiness and love. A good man, a kind man. But definitely someone whose heart has also been broken, because if he knows how it feels, then he’ll never break mine. I need someone to be my light when I’m wallowing and sinking in darkness. Someone who isn’t afraid to hold me when I’m upset. Someone who can hold me together when I feel like nothing can stop me from falling apart. He has to be my friend above all else. If w can’t be friends, we’ll never be lovers.

-Maybe love will just happen to me. Find me accidentally. Sneak up on me when I’m not looking for it. People say that shit happens. Well, maybe love happens, too. Are there second chances for people like me, Loki? If I had a shell I’d crawl inside it and never stop moving. Place to place. If you never know anyone, never touch anyone, they can never hurt you. As much as I cherish being a unique and independent woman <albeit crazy and bitchy> I don’t want to be so different and so separate that I’m always alone. I want so much to be over this, to move on. Half the battle I suppose, is that acceptance. I still feel lost. Maybe one day I’ll wake up finding that it doesn’t matter anymore, that it doesn’t hurt anymore. Yeah, because I’d be so lucky.

– I hope you have a plan for me Loki, because hope is all i have left, and it’s started to stretch thin.

=> My goodness, I was an angsty little emo thing wasn’t I? Probably still am for all that it matters. Well, lots of love Loki,

——————————–Lokabrenna

What name will my soul wear?

=> Oh Loki, you are my truest confidante. Only you know my heart better than I. My thoughts, my soul… There is a darkness in, on, of, my being, and it is spilled ink on parchment, spreading over me. Encompassing me. The part becomes the whole, and nothing can stem the tide or wash it away. The damage must be rectified. Start over.

=> There are days when I am the Ink. Red, powerful- there is nothing I cannot do. I exist to be the events on the pages of history. I make things happen.

=> There are days when I am the Parchment. Pale, fragile- with blood washing over me, pounding in my ears, consuming me. I exist to be used up as the means to expression for the powerful. I am used as a means to see the powerful. To see the deeds of the powerful.

=> There are days when I am the Quill. I stab at the parchment, leaving the stain of Ink behind. Sharp, covered in power that is not my own, but compliments me. We were created for each other, the Ink, the Parchment, and I.

=> Sometimes Loki, I am on top of the world. I can do anything, be anything. Sometimes Loki, I can’t believe I’ve never opened a fucking vein. I feel like a failure. The cycle of guilt is self- propelling. It feeds itself, and I am its fodder.

=> I am the Owl, proud, wise, respected. I own the world I soar above.

=> I am the Earthworm, blind, deaf, surrounded by darkness and a world infinitely larger than I.

=> What name will my soul wear after the test of time?

=> Well, until next time my lord, thanks for listening to my prattle.

————————-Lokabrenna